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Donald Trump, birther a-hole

21 Mar

Really The Donald? A birth certificate isn’t enough for you? A newspaper announcement isn’t enough for you? Now you need confirmed stories of playground dodgeball games to prove Barack Obama is an American? Please. Go back to firing washed up celebrities and leave the political stupidity to Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann. You’re good at what you do, they’re good at what they do. And if you’re thinking of making a run for the White House, please do not resort to this sort of low-class crap. Newt’s got that covered. Just show us how you’ll make the country cool again. Thank you.

Jon Bon Jovi, living-in-the-past a-hole

15 Mar

Jon, we should’ve given you the A-Hole of the Day Award the day you wrote “Blaze of Glory.” But we thought we’d be nice and let you rip off Bruce Springsteen for another 20 years. Now you’ve really gone and done it when you criticized Steve Jobs for “ruining music.” Jon thinks that days when kids would plop down $16 for a cd with one good song one song and 11 pieces of 4/4 crapolla were good. Sorry, Jon. It wasn’t good. It was disappointing. Sorry that you can’t sell us your filler music anymore.

Mark Cuban, Charlie Sheen exploiting a-hole

7 Mar

Mark Cuban, the mercurial owner of the Dallas Mavericks, wants to enter the world of reality TV, and is considering offering none other than train wreck Charlie Sheen his own reality show. No thanks, Mark. We don’t need to see “Coke Addicts Gone Bad” or “”Whore Lovers of Beverly Hills.” And “The Real Dickwads of Hollywood” isn’t going to grab our attention either. So why don’t you let Chuck sit at home by “detox.” We don’t need a-hole like you cashing in on his mess.

Charlie Sheen, mouthy show-cancelling a-hole

25 Feb

Nice going, cokehead. You have to get your bong in a bunch and  bash your “Two and a Half Men” peeps on live radio. And what happens? They freaking cancel the show. Thanks a lot. Thanks for being the half a man, and acting like a spoiled little child. We were depending on you to get us through May until “America’s Got Talent” comes on. Now what are we going to do on Monday nights? Talk to our families? Get a hobby? We’re fat lazy Americans. That’s just not going to happen.

Lady GaGa, egg-arriving a-hole

14 Feb

Please, Ms. GaGa. I think we’ve all had enough of your drama. We can deal with the meat outfits and the crazy ass knobs coming out of your head. We don’t even mind that they’re still playing “Alejandro” a million fucking times a day. But please, if you’re going to walk down the red carpet, put the egg away and wobble down the path in the 16″ platform heels.  It’s what your fans want.

Mark Buehrle, injury-wishing a-hole

11 Feb

Let us begin this post with a disclaimer: Michael Vick is perhaps the worlds biggest a-hole for holding his own MMA tournament for dogs several years back. But still, that doesn’t make what White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle uttered any better. In a recent interview, Mr. Buehrle said that he hoped Michael Vick sustained a serious injury this season as punishment for his doggie deeds. Mark, Mr. Vick already was punished for those actions. It’s called jail. He did his time, he paid his dues and as far as we know, he doesn’t have any more Fidos on ‘roids ready to bite an ear off. We get that you don’t want dogs harmed. Nobody does. But don’t wish harm on humans. That just makes you as big an a-hole as Vick.

Glenn Beck, anti-Semitic a-hole

28 Jan

There’s enough a-holish things to come out of Mr. Beck’s mouth to make him a consideration for this award pretty much every day. But when 400 rabbis call him out for his repeated references to Nazis and the Holocaust, well, you can’t deny him the trophy. Glenn, Obama is not Hitler with a better barber. Nancy Pelosi is not a prettier version of  a gas chamber guard. Harry Reid and Herman Goering were not separated at birth. So just shut up, wipe away your tears, and enjoy your award as the biggest a-hole of the day.