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Bob King, jealous underpaid union a-hole

23 Mar

Bob, we here at A-Hole of the Day truly support unions. We are offended by what has happened in Wisconsin and in other states with similar bills under consideration. But when you start spouting off about how Ford’s CEO Alan Mulally’s paycheck is “morally wrong,” we have call, “A-Hole.” This is America, Bob. If people want to give you a crap-load of cash, you have every right in the world to take it. Plus, if anyone has earned it, it’s Alan. He’s turned Ford around in amazing ways, he’s creating jobs, and, hell,  his cars are actually pretty good. So if you want to rag on someone’s paycheck, just pick a major league baseball roster. Then you might have our support.

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Verizon Wireless, charging the dead a-holes

17 Mar

How much does it cost to cancel your service if you die? About $382.60 if your account is with Verizon. That’s how much one woman had to pay after her father passed away January 31st . The woman, who was the only living relative of the guy and was bombarded with legal crap and paperwork (not to mention to emotional pain of losing a parent), didn’t get around to canceling the service the day he passed. Instead she waited till March. And even when she begged for a little leniency and provided a death certificate proving pops was unable to use the phone after January 31st, the customer service rep, said, “Tough toenails, pay up anyway.”  Well, fuck you, you insensitive a-holes. FUCK YOU. Can you hear me now?

Mark Zuckerberg, privacy-infringing a-hole

2 Mar

Sorry, Mark, that you couldn’t kick a stuttering king’s ass this weekend, but don’t take it out on the rest of us.  Rumor has it that you’re now going to be handing out our phone numbers like some hammered Harvard co-ed at a Finals mixer. Not so fast. If you think you can steal our identities just because you have us all addicted to your little dorm-room invention, think again. Because we have a couple Winkelvosses who would like nothing more than to kick your ass. You already got more money than freaking God. You don’t need chump change from some direct marketing list maker. So, whattaya say? Be a friend, and let us have a little bit of privacy.

Big Oil, greedy, price-jacking a-holes

24 Feb

Really, BP, Chevron and Exxon Mobile? You’re using the Libyan unrest as an excuse to fill your already overflowing coffers? You’re using Gadhafi’s incoherent rants to pad your bonus pool? Well, F.U., a-holes. The guy isn’t working your derricks for you. He’s not on the R&D team. He’s not driving the ships either. So what gives? You may not be aware of the actual price of gas because your butlers fill your tank for you, but it’s about $3.30 a freaking gallon. That ain’t cheap to those of us who don’t get stock options with our jobs. Haven’t you screwed us enough already by poisoning our Red Lobster dinners? Well, stop. Suck it up. Take a hit for a few weeks. And prove that even greedy a-holes can have a heart.

 

The Yellow Pages, lawsuit waging a-holes

7 Feb

The Yellow Pages, the company the drops their 500-page dinosaurs on everybody’s doorstep, is suing the city of Seattle so that they can continue to litter our neighborhoods with books we no longer use. Seems the city of Seattle allows their peeps to opt out of the Yellow Pages’ guest list, and the Yellow Pages doesn’t think it’s fair.  They say it’s an infringement on their right to free speech or free press or free something. But, if they’d get their noses out of the “Lawyers” section of their printed relics, and read the frickin’ Constitution, they’d see that the right to deforest the world and fill up our recycling bins is not mentioned anywhere. So, Yellow Pages, do us all a favor, and quit filing your grievances. You’re wasting enough paper as it is.

Delta Airlines, bumping handicapped passenger a-holes

4 Feb

Today’s A-hole of the Day Award goes goes to the nincompoop at Delta Airlines who thought it would be a good idea to pull a passenger with muscular dystrophy (and 100 pounds of medical equipment) off the plane just before take off. The victim, Carrie Salberg, was asked to exit the airline and go find a spot next to the Cinnabon in Concourse C. Smart move, folks. After all, she’s already equipped with her own transportation (a wheelchair) and could easily make the trek  from New Orleans to Minnesota on her own. Right? Wrong. What she’s going to do is sit there with her 100 pounds of medical equipment until some caring soul, or a really pissed lawyer, comes to her rescue her.

Lloyd Blankfein, money-grubbing corporate CEO a-hole

30 Jan

Remember way back when (a whopping 2 years ago), when Goldman Sachs took billions in tax payer dollars to keep itself from having a Going out of Business sale? You woulda thought that the handout we gave these corporate panhandlers would have made them a little more humble, a little less Gordon Gekko. Well guess again, suckers. In a year when GS basically broke even, Lloyd and 369 of his partners all got raises. And we’re not talking cost of living increases here, folks. The salary of these hobos in designer suits: anywhere from $2 million to $600,000. And that’s not counting the bonuses these folks are getting. The top five officers will also get $12.6 million each in bonuses. That’s up from $9 million each last year.  Doubt we’ll see any of that cash trickle down to the millions of Americans who gave them the money in the first place. Because as we all know, a-holes don’t pay back their debts.