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Rep. Virgil Peck, shooting immigrants from helicopter a-hole

14 Mar

Kansas Congressman Virgil Pecker… er…. Peck has an awesome suggestion for controlling the influx of illegal immigrants. He wants to deal with them  the same way the state deals with  “feral hogs” — by shooting them from a helicopter. We can only assume that afterwards, he wants to rope the slippery little lawn workers,  slice ’em up into thin little strips and serve them on a BLT. A-holes tend to think that way.


Wisconsin Senate, sneaky, slimy a-holes

9 Mar

Oh, Wisconsin, we thought you were all nice and polite. What with your charming little accents and your endless supply of cheeses. We thought you were still happy little drunks, swilling Miller Beer as you watch re-runs of the Packers Super Bowl win. But then you go and pull a fast one. You make up this new bill that will allow you to strip unions of their rights without the need for a quorum vote. And then you vote on it as the lone Democrat reads — make that SCREAMS — the Wisconsin Constitution to you, pointing out that you are breaking the law. Rude. Rude. Rude, Wisconsin. Who do you think you are, New Jersey?

Mike Huckabee, Natalie Portman hating a-hole

4 Mar

Dear Mike Huckabee, please stop waiving your lilly-white morality around. You’re in a line of work with Newt Gingrich, Bill Clinton and that dude who has a thing for young nubile pages. So, your public criticisms of single-mom-to-be Natalie Portman ring kind of hollow. If someone gives you a microphone, talk about the deficit or national security or, hell how Obama is really a Kenyan national who wants to overthrow every American value we hold near and dear. Just leave Natalie alone. Because she’s hot, and we like her.

John Boehner, disrespectful a-hole

3 Mar

When Frank Buckles, the last living World War I veteran passed away this week, a lot of Americans thought it would be a grand gesture to honor him by having his casket rest in state at the Capitol rotunda. And then John Boehner got his ultra-tanned nosed involved in things. John took time off from golfing with lobbyists and crying about anything, to put the kai-bash on the whole idea. According to Boehner, “a ceremony at Arlington is enough.” Enough? Did you really say, “Enough”? I don’t think Buckles said, “Enough” when he was knocking off Germans and saving your grandparents’ asses. Are you afraid the honor might cost the tax payers a few extra bucks to hire a security guard for the night? Please, get your head out of your a-hole and show that you have a little respect for the dead.

Jeff Cox, tweeting a-hole

23 Feb

If you’re the attorney general of Indi-freaking-ana, you can’t be tweeting like some coked up Kardashian. But that’s what Jeff Cox did, when he tweeted out the idea of using live ammo to subdue union protesters. Jeff the Cox might want to check the law books he’s in charge of. Because peaceful protesting is not a capital offense. And shooting randomly in crowds is sorta dangerous. So, Jeff, if you want to give us a 140-character dissertation on the Oscars or your night out with the ladies, go for it. Just keep your stupid-a-hole political opinions to yourself.

The Texas Legislature, guns-in-school a-holes

21 Feb

Forget Columbine. Forget the Virginia Tech shootings. Forget the fact that kindergarteners in the inner city are going through metal detectors to make sure they’re not packing an AK47 in their Power Rangers lunch boxes. The Texas lawmakers are ready to pass a bill that will make it OK for university students to carry concealed weapons on campus. Terrific idea, people. Because there is nobody more reasonable and level-headed than a stressed out student on a Red Bull bender pulling an all-nighter for his Econ final. In their view, a prof with a bad bow-tie is reason for justifiable homicide. Get your heads out of your a-holes, Texas.  If you want to keep students safe, make a law outlawing inappropriate pick-up lines in bars at 2 a.m.

Gov. Scott Walker, teacher-hating a-hole

18 Feb

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker , being the dutiful tea-bagger that he  is, is taking out his hatchet and cutting everything in sight. First on his list: teachers. He and his fellow spendthrifts think that the educators in their state are making way too much. And to prevent them from making any more, he’s turning back the clock to the 1890’s and trying to bust their union. WTF, Gov? Forget the fact that union busting is pretty fucking unAmerican, but by coming down on teachers, you’re also coming down on the kids they teach. And if you’re OK with China and Japan completely lapping us in spelling bees and science fairs and, well, real life, then go for it. Spending too much is only one way to sink the country.