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Adrian Peterson, modern-day slave a-hole

16 Mar

Multimillion-dollar NFL running back Adrian Peterson recently referred to himself as a “slave.” He thinks the way the NFL is run that the owners are the Massas and he and his 1,700 ¬†footballing friends are pickin’ cotton in the field. Well, Adrian, allow us to correct you. You are not a slave, you are an a-hole. Slaves, if you recall, worked seven days a week, and got paid nothing. You work one day a week and make millions. Slaves couldn’t find employment elsewhere, you are free to find a job as a gas station clerk or a WalMart greeter or the host of NFL Today. Slaves were beaten mercilessly by their owners. Your owners give you swank private jets, posh hotels and all the chicks you’ll ever want. So no, you are not a slave. You are spoiled little brat.

Carmelo Anthony, NBA-destroying a-hole

22 Feb

Like LeBron James didn’t leave enough wreckage in the wake of his Decision-with-a-capital-D. Now Carmelo Anthony ¬†is taking his turn at making the NBA a four-team league. Leave it to the Gen X prima-donnas to dictate where they’re going and who they’re playing with. Glad you’ll get to hob-nob with Jason Sudeikis, Adam Samberg and anyone else who trolls around Tribeca, but by being a selfish little a-hole (like LeBron) you are making the NBA a freaking joke. Thanks for turning Denver into a D-League team. Thanks for mathematically eliminating the Nuggets for the 2012 season already. Now, why don’t you just go to New York, and leave us alone. We’ll be watching golf.