Tag Archives: news

Moammar Gadhafi, name-too-hard-to-spell a-hole

22 Mar

We couldn’t get a Smith or a Jones to go and be a ruthless dictator hell-bent on f-ing its people. We had to get some dude with 54 ways to spell his last name. Seriously, according to Oregon Legal Research there are 54 ways to spell “a-hole.”  So, what is it Moammar. G-A-D-H-A-F-I? Q-A-D-D-A-F-I? K-A-D-A-H-F-I? G-H-E-D-D-A-F-I?  Pick one, for God’s sake and let the folks at CNN and Fox run with it. So when they report that your ass was blown into a million pieces by a scud missle, they won’t have to Google the spelling of your name. Or better yet, if you want the Guinness World Record for last names, quit being a war-staring a-hole. Our troops are a spread a little thin right now.

Lady GaGa, egg-arriving a-hole

14 Feb

Please, Ms. GaGa. I think we’ve all had enough of your drama. We can deal with the meat outfits and the crazy ass knobs coming out of your head. We don’t even mind that they’re still playing “Alejandro” a million fucking times a day. But please, if you’re going to walk down the red carpet, put the egg away and wobble down the path in the 16″ platform heels.  It’s what your fans want.

The Yellow Pages, lawsuit waging a-holes

7 Feb

The Yellow Pages, the company the drops their 500-page dinosaurs on everybody’s doorstep, is suing the city of Seattle so that they can continue to litter our neighborhoods with books we no longer use. Seems the city of Seattle allows their peeps to opt out of the Yellow Pages’ guest list, and the Yellow Pages doesn’t think it’s fair.  They say it’s an infringement on their right to free speech or free press or free something. But, if they’d get their noses out of the “Lawyers” section of their printed relics, and read the frickin’ Constitution, they’d see that the right to deforest the world and fill up our recycling bins is not mentioned anywhere. So, Yellow Pages, do us all a favor, and quit filing your grievances. You’re wasting enough paper as it is.